A Reason To Be Kind: Foreclosures, Suicides and Depression
Since reading about the troubling headline and story of the woman who killed herself 90 minutes before her foreclosed home was scheduled to be auctioned, I've been reflecting on moments of kindness that were probably missed that could have prevented this tragedy. Experts say that it is not uncommon for homeowners facing foreclosure to have suicidal thoughts--and with the rise of foreclosure rates all across the country I can't help but wonder how many of our neighbors, loved ones and friends are "undiagnosed" as being in this category. Because of pride and shame most individuals would never be forthright and tell those around them burdens of this magnitude. Because of this, it's so important to simply be kind, and genuinely compassionate when dealing with people since we never really know what they are going through that is making them behave the way they are. Who knows? Your act of kindness may turn a situation completely around. When I read United Way's success story of George Capanigro, who was homeless and living on Boston Common at one point comment that, only one person really talked to him and that made a difference in him turning his life around, I thought--kindness makes the difference.
I learned this lesson when my often truant classmate who wanted to share notes before class suddenly stopped attending school. We were never friends outside of this class and truthfully, I didn't even know her last name or how she spelled her first. Her only existence to me was the 45 minutes we shared in U.S. History. Her attendance continued to drop until she dropped out. It took a few weeks for someone to fill her seat. While her chair was empty I often wondered but never asked about her, assuming it was another bout of truancy on her part. One day we were simply told that she killed herself shortly after dropping out, that she had been depressed and nothing else was said. Had I really been kind and attentive outside of sharing notes and polite exchanges of "hi, how are you" perhaps I could have been a friend, a resource, or a person who noticed a red flag--maybe she would have had a chance? Looking back I see the missed opportunities and have since learned to be simply be kind.
Be kind and pass it on.
Michelle, I'm sorry to hear
Michelle,
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I know that California, like Massachusetts and many other states has enabled United Way's 2-1-1 hotline. If you call 2-1-1, you can speak with a specialist about where to find foreclosure assistance and related services. It's best to call them directly because they will have a better sense of services in your community. 2-1-1 is a free, confidential call. There are also a number of crisis hotlines available if you are feeling emotionally overwhelmed and want to talk to someone. You can ask 2-1-1 about them or do a simple search to find them.
Take care and good luck.
PS. I've removed your email address from this post, because I didn't want you to receive spam emails from strangers.
Help!!! I'm in foreclosure and bankruptcy
I'm in foreclosure and bankruptcy and it is an impossible situation. Sometimes suicide feels like the only way out. I have a husband and 3 kids to worry about. We have no where to go. After 10 years of paying our bills on time we have no jobs and no money to continue. Some family members say they wish for the best, but offer no help or support. How can anyone, especially family not offer to help my beautiful family of 5? Especially if they can. We have no money and no jobs and if we become homeless, we could lose our kids. Obama had done nothing to help people like me and I live in Merced, Ca, the #3 in the country for unemployment. I have 2 college degrees, incl. a Masters degree and cannot land even a crappy paying job. This situation has took us to the brink of depression and thank god wy husband and I have a close relationship, or else he surely woyld have left me a single mother of 3 by now. With daycare and rides to school, I just can't accept just any job. If anyone has any advice or ideas on how to survive this situation please [comment below]. Most days we feel completely hopeless and we don't see any way out of this. Please help! My house is going to be sold on 6/30/09 and I have no where to go. I need a job and I need a place to live. Before our job loss we were perfect citizens and now we are reduced to welfare and depression. I believe that we will survive this, I just don't know how. My 6 year old daughter is even clinically depressed from this situation and we have to self medicate every day just to get through the day. Please email me to give me any thoughts or advice. Thank you.
For the good of each
For the good of each individual in our community who struggles, and for the good of the community as a whole we need to think of ourselves as one. This is especially true during this time when ordinary families are faced with extraordinarily difficult circumstances. boediger
foreclosure
Foreclosures are extremely difficult to deal with. Especially if you have a family that you must take care of. But it is no reason to cause harm to yourself. If we see someone who is having a hard time we must take the time to see if they need any help or advice as they make it through these difficult times.
There is always tommorrow.
Regards,
Andrew
Many homeowners have rolled
Many homeowners have rolled credit card and other debts into their mortgages driving their once "managable" payments through the roof and they default. Others are gaining by taking the homes of hardworking people try to save their homes and now they are causing these ordinary people to feel that suicide is the only way out. Truley sad and getting worse.
Regards,
Cally Rodgers
Reason to be kind
When you know of a friend that is in need, kindness and emotional support is what helps that less fortunate person know that there is hope for a better future. Without any understanding from family and friends, it is extremely difficult to cope with all the stresses that are part of losing a home, not knowing where to turn, what tomorrow will bring, and the shame associated with what has happened. That American Dream is gone-quite a heavy load to bear. Suicide is seen as the only way out, and such a tragedy- If only there were programs for people in this situation - a group of people in similar situations to talk, help each other-and listen without judgement - this may prevent even one suicide- hopefully all suicide. There is strength in numbers, and to be alone in this is a ticking time bomb for the severely depressed.
Foreclosures Suicide
Maybe you should send these stories to the Loan Servicing companies who make ordinary people feel that there is no way out. They are gaining by taking the homes of hardworking people try to save their homes and now they are causing these ordinary people to feel that suicide is the only way out.
______________________________________
Anderson smith
Massachusetts Treatment Centers
Achieving later in life...
So true, the pressure to achieve the American Dream as soon as possible and by any means neccessary is rampant and probably the main reason that hardworking moderate income and minority groups are targeted. This mortgage crisis is making people re-evaluate what THEIR Dream should be a not be defined by what society says is "The American Dream." It's perfectly OK to wait to make large purchase, it's OK to save over a period of time and it's OK to buy when you're ready.
The coersive tactics of lenders, in conjunction with realtors and attorneys has been exposed and the generations who are witnessing will not soon forget.
A Reason To Be Kind
You also have to remember that alot of people wanted to live the "American Dream" which makes everyone think that you have to own a home and because many don't want to wait until their finances are in shape, they have been dealing with these mortgage companies that are getting them loans by "ANY MEANS NECESSARY" which usually locks the buyers into interest only loans and then when it's time to pay the principal as well the home owner discovers they can't afford a $4,000 mortgage. Some people even have more than one mortgage and often times can't do a refinance for one reason or another. I guess the message here is to talk to people you know and let them know it's okay to achieve the "American Dream" later in life and be able to afford it rather than rushing and getting excited and regret it later.
Your comments are so true...
United Way of America's LIVE UNITED campaign comes not a moment to soon, truly this is a time to join together as a community and be one. Anonymous, Liz and Stefanie your comments are so true.
Stefanie's point about credit card debt is also shocking to me. While foreclosures are getting a lot of media attention-credit card debt is also burdening many people down and leading them to further over-extend themselves. Many homeowners have rolled credit card and other debts into their mortgages driving their once "managable" payments through the roof.
While foreclosure is nothing new, the numbers of people who were deceived by lenders and realtors is staggering and reminiscent of the the great depression. I hope the return of tight knit families and communities comes soon because it is needed.
*commenter is on staff at United Way
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